Burn out… in spades
Confession. I am burned out. I’ve been writing non stop for 22 years and the well is empty. I don’t know if I should just throw in the towel and call myself something else, but I can’t. My mind won’t allow it. I’m stuck between a rock and immovable place. Three years I’ve been trying to get out of a blue funk. Can’t go forward and can’t go back. I tried that. Writing a historical makes me roll my eyes. Its the language not the story. I’m accustomed to shaving everything down for pacing and now when I need to slow it down add more, I can’t seem to find a zone.
Have a I mentioned that I hate being a writer this year? Or that I’ve been here before? Many times. I doubt I’m the only writer in this place, but after so many years of busting my chops, I don’t have the need to write a specific story. Not even Max’s., the last Dragon One. It will get done, I can’t leave unwritten stories lying around though I have files of them weighing down drawers.
I’ve tried reading, watching movies, more reading of OPW and editing my first 7 chapters to death. So I’m setting small goals. My ass in a chair for one, and my back to the TV. ID Discovery is fun and interesting.. and yes I’m addicted. But I have stories that I don’t think I can write as well as they should be. This was never a problem before. that a big hill… ? Sure I’ll climb that! I miss that motivation. The one that enabled me to sell a Desire the first time out, no revisions. (I know…. be in awe, I sure was) It will come to me, I haven’t given up, though at times It feels like it. I blame a lot of things, hormones, the slaughter of E books that aren’t up to par, which FYI is making editors reject rather quickly. But I can’t use that anymore. I miss selling a deadline and working, but mostly, I miss that I WANT to get to writing feeling. I love my job, just not this year. And I do love it. How many jobs can you do in you pajamas?
Am I ready to give that up and put on Panty Hose? NO way. I am nothing, except a writer. I write for a living, I make money at it and also I don’t write if I’m not getting paid. That last one has changed a bit. I’m writing more for less or no money to get my foot back in the door, before they try to shut it. I have a great idea for a series, now to make it a story. =)